My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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