his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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