hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I only lived at night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
