I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
