Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need moral support for this bender
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
