i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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