I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
