we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
