K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
