I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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