i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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