just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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