It's Friday. Sex?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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