shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
