just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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