No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So vagazzling was a success
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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