Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
