dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
