nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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