Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize