remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
