you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
