Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
