Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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