i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
