I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
