If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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