I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
