There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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