i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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