Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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