you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You smell like stripper and shame
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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