i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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