You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
