Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
