So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
