just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
