BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize