Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
