considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
