he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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