remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
