sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
