you would pick up someone in the library
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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