You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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