My balls are so social today.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
