Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
