Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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