I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
