I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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