She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
