I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
