what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
