So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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