He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
