I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
