Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
