I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
