Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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