Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
