I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
