We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
