so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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