Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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