Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
