My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
