life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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