exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
