i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Boobs are out for the taking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
