i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
