Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found your dick twin last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
