I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
