I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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