we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
