I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
