Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize