I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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