He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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