Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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