I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im part way to drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
