just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize