I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
