first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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