She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pants are for mortals
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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