What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
