dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
