At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm jealous of your bromance
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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