i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
