birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
