Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
