just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
