we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
