I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize