He managed to light the Jello on fire...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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