I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
