oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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