I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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