When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
