I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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