i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
