sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
