The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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