Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
