I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
