just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
