I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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