i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
