I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
