All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
