scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
