He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
