Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
