i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
