dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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